A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
