Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
