pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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