She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
