just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
