He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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