You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
