so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
