Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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