We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize