you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
