i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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