Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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