You're my little dorito
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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