u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
