we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize