I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
