I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize