I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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