i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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