I got chris browned last night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
