The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
