at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
