i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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