just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
