It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
