The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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