how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
