When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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