Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
