She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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