i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
