She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
