I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize