This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
