I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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