If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
