Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
