ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize