I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
