you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found puke in my bra..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
