Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude. I can hear the air.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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