My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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