i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
