i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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