SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
