Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
