a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
