Cold hands, warm shart.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
