he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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