if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize