He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize