Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
