My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
