They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
