Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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