I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
