Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
