Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
