U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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