probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
