I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
