Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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