ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
