I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
