The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
