Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
