got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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