Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
