she was so not down for the gang bang
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
