I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
