im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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