Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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