it's too hot outside to masturbate.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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