we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
