she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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