He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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