only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
