Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize