My first STD was from a foam party
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
